Our nature and actions sent him to the cross, yet he still gave us a choice; what manner of love? I'm lost in my thoughts, thinking about what I would do if I were he, especially if I possessed the ability to change destinies and life in general.
So why did he choose to still Love me inspite of my mess and continuos nailing of his hands and feet to the cross. The times I blatantly refuse his gestures and decide to dwell in my filth. He tore the veil so I have direct access, but I refuse to enter. I run farther away from the throne by my thoughts, my words , my actions...
I have failed him, time and time again I refuse to trust; I rely on my seeming ability to solve the puzzles of life. I underestimate the extent to which he cares and is willing to carry me. I spit on his face, trying to make a statement, screaming at the top of my voice that I do not need him. Oh how mistaken I was, my lungs burn for lack of oxygen, my body infested by the viruses of darkness( by my doing), I am blinded by cataracts of doubt and disbelief.
How did I let him go? How did I give up my first love? What happened to the bond that was never meant to be broken? I gave up too soon, unlike job I cursed at God and told him time and time again I could do life all by myself. I refused to see that his love surpasses my lowest estate. There seems to be exit for my human dilemma.
But there was Love, the kind that transcends my willingness to accept or refuse, the kind that saw past the blemishes of my filth, the kind that was remission and not just forgiveness. Love shown to me as grace, undeserved but sufficiently abundant. An answer to every question that lurks in the dark recess of my mind. A light that illuminates the mysteries of life and living, I am reminded that despite my own actions to retreat, this love pulls me ever closer to my Lord.
Lord I'm grateful for everything, I'm so unworthy but yet you call me your own. Your arms constantly surround me and each time you whisper in that still, calm tone that I am yours all my fears are melted and my life has a new direction. I thank you for the times I felt I was drowning, and for the strong arms that rescued me, for the breathe of life you give every time I get cyanotic from my actions I say thank You.