I sit at work pondering over the events unfolding in my life the last couple of days and weeks, pretty disheartening and hurtful i must say, but in the midst of it all, all i have been able to say is: "Lord show me what route to take and where to go". I broke down on sunday in Gods presence with so many questions as to the reality of his purpose for my life and how I in my present state could achieve it all. I like moses had too many reasons to give why im not good enough and equipped for the task he has placed in front of me. Like Moses, Jacob,David and Saul, i have too many flaws:Anger and Pride being two of many. I was at a place were doubt overtook my ability to seek Gods face, or trust his ability to come through for me at his time.
I waded through storms by his strength, but i was too stuck up in my head to remember to thank him for the little victories, cos thats how they seemed. My eyes were fixed on the "Big things"; they meant the world to me and would make me fulfilled and able to live my life and destiny as purposed by God, or so i thought.
However, i was in for a rude awakening, i felt the rug under my feet dessipating quicker than sand dunes in the desert. My gods, the things and persons that took my attention away from God, my tower of refuge and feeling of security and safety soon turned out to be my worst nghtmares. Reality struck, i was all by myself, in the cold i must say, circumstances changed so fast, i couldnt even catch my breath, i did not see it coming, i was blindsided, i was in a delusional state, my head hurt, my heart palpitated, the rush was so hard to handle i was dying in myself. I have suddenly become a recluse, a sadow of my former self. I have lost the ability to focus, anxiety and depression are the order of the day for me. I bask in the doldrums of darkness, a place of no return or so i thought at the time.
And then the light comes on, and shines through to the deepest core of my existence, i am once again reminded of the reason i am where i was, i had given up looking at God as my source of inspiration and strength and life. My focus was stayed on stuff, they became my god. But how could i give honor to mere things, to things who could not hear me nor come to my rescue when i needed them. They occupied Gods place in my life, thus not leaving room for God to attempt to help me. How do you fill an already filled vessel? The clutter existed and thus God could not come in.
You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God” (Exodus 20:4-5)
I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols( Isaiah 42:8)
With the realization came a resolve to change things, I had to declutter my life and let God in,I had to repent for bowing to the idols in my life and surrender afresh to Gods Sovereignty over my life. I learnt anew the consequencies of giving Gods glory to other gods. Now i turned a new leaf, i now am fully enjoying his presence where he and he alone is GOD, and im renewed with fresh oil, my countenance is full of vigor and my focus is returned. I no longer tread paths of confusion and terror but am sure of where i am knowing his thoughts for me are good to bring me to an expected end.
So many people like me treaded this same path, they gave Gods own to other idols, they turned their face to other things and put their faith and belief in things that could have ruined them. But his grace is sufficient and he would take you back if only you ask for forgiveness and are willing to let go of them gods, and choose him today. So many people wonder in their hearts that they have probably gone too far for GOD to show them mercy but its his word: "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us "(psalm 103:12). Its never too late to surrender to his lordship and make him GOD over your life.
For me and for everything that i represent, Jehovah is my GOD.