Who is Your GOD?

I sit at work pondering over the events unfolding in my life the last couple of days and weeks, pretty disheartening and hurtful i must say, but in the midst of it all, all i have been able to say is: "Lord show me what route to take and where to go". I broke down on sunday in Gods presence with so many questions as to the reality of his purpose for my life and how I in my present state could achieve it all. I like moses had too many reasons to give why im not good enough and equipped for the task he has placed in front of me. Like Moses, Jacob,David and Saul, i have too many flaws:Anger and Pride being two of many. I was at a place were doubt overtook my ability to seek Gods face, or trust his ability to come through for me at his time.
I waded through storms by his strength, but i was too stuck up in my head to remember to thank him for the little victories, cos thats how they seemed. My eyes were fixed on the "Big things"; they meant the world to me and would make me fulfilled and able to live my life and destiny as purposed by God, or so i thought.

However, i was in for a rude awakening, i felt the rug under my feet dessipating quicker than sand dunes in the desert. My gods, the things and persons that took my attention away from God, my tower of refuge and feeling of security and safety soon turned out to be my worst nghtmares. Reality struck, i was all by myself, in the cold i must say, circumstances changed so fast, i couldnt even catch my breath, i did not see it coming, i was blindsided, i was in a delusional state, my head hurt, my heart palpitated, the rush was so hard to handle i was dying in myself. I have suddenly become a recluse, a sadow of my former self. I have lost the ability to focus, anxiety and depression are the order of the day for me. I bask in the doldrums of darkness, a place of no return or so i thought at the time.

And then the light comes on, and shines through to the deepest core of my existence, i am once again reminded of the reason i am where i was, i had given up looking at God as my source of inspiration and strength and life. My focus was stayed on stuff, they became my god. But how could i give honor to mere things, to things who could not hear me nor come to my rescue when i needed them. They occupied Gods place in my life, thus not leaving room for God to attempt to help me. How do you fill an already filled vessel? The clutter existed and thus God could not come in.

You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God” (Exodus 20:4-5)

I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols( Isaiah 42:8)

With the realization came a resolve to change things, I had to declutter my life and let God in,I had to repent for bowing to the idols in my life and surrender afresh to Gods Sovereignty over my life. I learnt anew the consequencies of giving Gods glory to other gods. Now i turned a new leaf, i now am fully enjoying his presence where he and he alone is GOD, and im renewed with fresh oil, my countenance is full of vigor and my focus is returned. I no longer tread paths of confusion and terror but am sure of where i am knowing his thoughts for me are good to bring me to an expected end.

So many people like me treaded this same path, they gave Gods own to other idols, they turned their face to other things and put their faith and belief in things that could have ruined them. But his grace is sufficient and he would take you back if only you ask for forgiveness and are willing to let go of them gods, and choose him today. So many people wonder in their hearts that they have probably gone too far for GOD to show them mercy but its his word: "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us "(psalm 103:12). Its never too late to surrender to his lordship and make him GOD over your life.
For me and for everything that i represent, Jehovah is my GOD.

Relief

I work tirelessly
My Head on the trail
my attitude strung wirelessly
never a break in transmission

My eyes fixed on a goal
Full control over my toil
Mind, body and soul
Together, an insurmountable host.

Tough as it may,
My gumption ever reflecting
My dreams illuminate the doubts
Always standing encouraged

The weakness dessipates
focus returns, my sight re-fixed
like an eagle I soar
the resistance becomes my strength.

Sacrifice!

So Today is ash Wednesday, a realization I came to when I saw my charge nurse emerge with this huge sign of the cross on her forehead. Time flies I thought to myself, remembering not so long ago when we celebrated Easter( at least I remember seeing stuffed Easter eggs and bunnies at Walmart at this time last year). As I worked, I watched tons of staff and patients alike waltz through the halls of the hospital donning this sign of the cross, a depiction of the suffering and pain that our Savior and Christ endured so we may be free and that we might Live. As I delved into the chaos and pressure that some days at work bring, I could not help but ponder on the weight of the season, to believers that is; a cognisance of a higher power, a pull towards the core of existence and the true definition of SACRIFICE.
Try as I may, I could not resist the urge to voice out my thoughts, I had to ask: "Ms G, what are u giving up for lent this year?" and her eyes shone like she had just been granted a visit with the president of the new world, and without quivering she said, "eating too much" and with an undertone she whispered, "coffee". Without thinking I replied and said, 'that's good for you at least you get to lose some weight', a misspeak on my part I agree but she took it in stride and was not angry or irked by my uneducated remark; The end to our short but meaningful conversation.
As I continued through the day and on my drive back from work, my mind revved, the result being a download of the many opportunities I had had to make things right between me and God, the things I have taken for granted, the people and faces I have looked down on, the times I have scorned people and laughed at their efforts to make decisions that would heavily impact their lives, the many failures I have let bring me down, instead of serving as elevators to take me to my final destination.Likewise, on days such as this, I am reminded of the many times I have forgotten to be grateful for the things I think are my rights, even when they truly are privileges. I am brought back to face the reality that although it seems rosy right now for me, there are people questioning God's authenticity and his power over their lives because of the various crises they are facing. So why then does it seem so big a deal that we have to give up certain mundane stuff(especially eating meat, which for meat lovers like myself is a biggie), when he himself gave his best so that we can be at rest knowing he has us blessed above and beyond our wildest imaginations.
We however should be awakened from our slumber and be made to understand that its not just in the things we give up that defines us, but in our relationship with God himself. We can join the bandwagon of religion or be trendsetters and do things our way but without a true knowledge and understanding of who God truly is and the need to be willing to give up certain things for the greater good and progression of Gods kingdom, we are but a school of clueless fishes living in an environment where we have everything but are dying of dehydration and starvation. So welcome to an era where SACRIFICE seizes to be a painful experience, but becomes an act of WORSHIP and THANKS for the even GREATER GIFT that was given for our sake a very long time ago.
So for those who participate in lent and have decided to give up something, Godspeed and grace to you, and for those like me who do not practice length but believe in the significance and power of Easter, Don't forget to stay connected to the source as we trust God for fresh unction to not just learn to Sacrifice, but to be the SACRIFICED!